Don’t you worry, I know your thoughts may wonder, “Inside? Isn’t that a bit vague? Inside of what?” Please Relax; Let me take you on this beautiful journey:
2019 has been a year for me, I’m sure most of us have our stories. If I were to frame mine with a phrase, I would say “A leap of Faith.”
A lot happened, a lot; from several conversations I had, to adjusting with changes that came alongside revealed truths, which in my case, made growth inevitable. Revelations and prophecies were received, sometimes accompanied with tears and clarity. Amongst the bulk of events my year unfolded, one of the things that stood out the most was this: discovery – “DISCOVERY of a portion on my INSIDE.”
Why just a portion?
That’s because God speaks to us in separate revelations, each carrying a portion of the truth (Hebrew 1:1 AMPC).
“People are known in this same way. Out of the virtue stored in their hearts, good and upright people will produce good fruit. But out of the evil hidden in their hearts, evil ones will produce what is evil. For the overflow of what has been stored in your heart will be seen by your fruit and will be heard in your words.” – Luke 6:45 (TPT).
This verse!!! It cannot be over emphasised. It is real as in R.E.A.L!
At some point this year, I noticed distinct expressions in me, a slow change of perception to certain situations and people. Honestly, these things could only have come to light because I had harboured a lot on my inside. There were transitions I had to deal with, ranging from fruits of a developing “hard heart”, to slow resentments and irritation towards certain people, most especially situations, to diverse thoughts, and then, to the type of fears I feared.
In some moments, I had the kind of thoughts that’ll make you re-asses your identity and wonder if you were really still a Christian (I told you I’ll be honest). ALL of these developed in really subtle ways, BUT thank God for His Holy Spirit, for His beautiful patience. There were moments He cautioned and highlighted things I needed to deal with. I must emphasise that He didn’t do this just once; it happened many times.
Sometimes, My defence was up;
I tried justifying my actions, “But Lord, she made me do it; I reacted that way because of how everything was planned, etc.” But the honest truth is, the enemy is deceptive in sending us messages to distract our hearts from the corrections of the Father. he won’t send you direct messages letting you know; these things happen subtly.
But by the Holy Ghost, we have a discerning heart to remain encouraged. I mean, we have Him who reveals all things to us. It’s best we let Him lead and speak to our hearts. This is not some mechanical leading, He actually communicates in ways we can UNDERSTAND. He knows our love languages.
“But God now unveils these profound realities to us by the Spirit. Yes, he has revealed to us his inmost heart and deepest mysteries through the Holy Spirit, who constantly explores all things.” – 1 Corinthians 2:10 (TPT).
My heart was literally open.
I let the ‘good’ seeds in; prophecies, God’s word, edifying thoughts. However, when it came to the ‘not so good:’ which played out in form of confessions from others (which of course, came with very innocent motives but passed wrong messages. I’m talking about words that came to strangle prophecies over my life), or the many voices of social media, or the selfish opinions from people, solid structures were not in place to guard my heart against such.
Here’s the thing:
When you receive the ‘good,’ protect it! It takes only those ‘not so good’ confessions to come and contest with those good seeds. Paul had to tell Timothy to guard the prophecies over his life (1 Timothy 1:18).
Many things would come pour doubt into what God already told you. If you let it settle, it would water down your hopes and expectations in the Father, diluting the assurance of Faith He had granted your heart. It would drain the strength in those prophecies you received, leaving you with questions. And when I say questions, I mean several questions; questioning your identity in God, re-examining if at all ‘HE actually said or if you heard wrongly.’ Then the journey He tried bringing you out from, the journey back to struggles and self begins again.
But I bring you good news; Fear not!
If you’ve ever had to deal with any of these, Fear not! We really do have things in common 😉
Yes we may have messed up, BUT we have a REDEEMER, A constant! One who NEVER GIVES UP on us! This time, try again, but try again with understanding. Let it become wisdom!
“For the lovers of God may suffer adversity and stumble seven times, but they will continue to rise over and over again. But the unrighteous are brought down by just one calamity and will never be able to rise again.”- Proverbs 24:16 (TPT).
It takes an honest outpour to the Father to let go of those heavy weights inside our hearts. I call Him the absolute love of my life. I let Him in on things I know I can never tell anyone, even in my deepest dreams. That alone makes my trust in Him stronger, and sometimes, it makes me cry. I cry a lot actually (Lol #TeamEmotional). But I must add that I cry, not to gain pity from Abba, but to express what flows naturally from my heart.
He’s the ONLY One who has the power to work on me. I can’t change my heart with my strength. He is the ONLY one who has the power to do in-depth heart surgeries, we can’t do it ourselves. In the midst of every struggle, I see Him there. He hears me, as always, when I call. He takes every weight away and helps me recognize He’s fully responsible for me as my Father.
Everything taught me
I’ve learnt to cast down, to intentionally block every thought fighting my faith. I’ve learnt to make decisions and propositions in my heart like Daniel. Some practical steps I take include; taking breaks during conversations to snap myself out of thoughts that may lead me down the wrong lane. Some instances require that I vocalise my decisions. Other times, I pause in-between conversations and say a quiet prayer. I know these things may appear crazy, but low-key if you think about it, FAITH is crazy!
I would rather live “crazy” with a free-spirit heart, than “sane” with unhealthy weights.
“We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God, and we can break through every arrogant attitude raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One.” -2 Corinthians 10:5 (TPT).
I am still in this journey,
The journey of casting my entire heart into the Fathers care, for He’s able to keep whatever we commit into His hands. The truth is, He won’t keep what you don’t want Him to keep, that is stealing, which is what the enemy does.
“The confidence of my calling enables me to overcome every difficulty without shame, for I have an intimate revelation of this God. And my faith in him convinces me that he is more than able to keep all that I’ve placed in his hands safe and secure until the fullness of his appearing.”- 2 Timothy 1:12 (TPT).
This is a very transparent and intentional piece; a piece to tell you, “God works with our hearts FIRST, before the outside. He works with motives before routine. He works with intentions, not a form of godliness. Don’t hide it, you can’t even. He already KNOWS. Constantly purge and cleanse your heart, for dust will settle in a room that is not cleaned regularly.”
Go into 2020 with a heart that is right before Him. Enter this new decade with a clean heart, a right heart; please note I said ‘a right heart’ and not ‘a perfect heart’. Because with a right heart before the Father, your heart would naturally be right before men.
You are His delight, His chosen ONE. It is never too late to be right with Him, never too late to be real with Him. “For better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof…” – Ecclesiastes 7:8 (KJV)
All grace and my love xx
Oluwanisola Oyefeko (@oluwanisolaoye)